Memories of You Page 4

  “I wish more people felt like that,” said Hunter, shaking his head slowly. “I get that it’s difficult for them, but what do they think it’s like for me? I mean, my mom especially. It feels weird calling her that. I know she raised me and stuff, but my memory of her starts at the hospital when I woke up. While I’m grateful to her for everything she’s done for me, I still don’t feel that spark of connection there. It’s like...I’d be sad if something happened to her, but I wouldn’t really miss her. Because I have nothing to miss.”

  “So instead of people trying to get you to remember their memories of you, they should be giving you new memories,” suggested Luke.

  “Maybe?” said Hunter with a shrug. “Sometimes I just want the pressure of these past relationships to just go away. I lost over three decades of memories, and I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to make up for that.”

  “It’s possible,” said Luke, trying to stop his heart from breaking even further. “I think you’ll find there are people who were in your life that might be willing to put in the work as long as you are.”

  Hunter smiled softly and looked past Luke towards the windows. The sky outside was awash with colors of sunset and the city was outlined in a beautiful silhouette against it. The view was not unlike one of Luke’s very first paintings.

  “I know you’re right,” said Hunter, his voice barely audible. “I think I might have already found one of them.”

  Chapter Five

  Spending the evening talking and cooking with Luke was actually extremely refreshing. Being able to open up to someone and give voice to everything that had been weighing down on him had been liberating. Hunter felt better equipped to face the daily challenges of his life than he had only a few hours before.

  It also offered him some fresh perspective on his relationship with Vincent, which is why they were now walking together downtown. There was a measured distance between them that neither of them tried to breach, but Hunter allowed himself to relax a bit more than he had previously.

  The early morning sunshine was just peeking above the tops of the high rises and casting its warmth onto the sidewalk below.

  “What about this one?” suggested Vincent, pointing to a help wanted sign in the window of a shop.

  “What’s it for?” Hunter asked as he approached the window. “Waxing, what’s that? Like candles and stuff?” He stepped back and glanced up at that shop sign. It looked like a beauty salon of some sort.

  Vincent burst out laughing. “Yeah, okay I don’t think this one is going to be a good fit for you.” He gingerly laid a hand on Hunter’s shoulder and steered him away from the salon.

  “Okay, but what is it? I don’t get it.” Hunter tried to push down his frustration. It wasn’t Vincent’s fault that he didn’t know what the term meant.

  “It’s like...okay...so you know how people shave their legs, right?” said Vincent as they continued to walk.

  “Yeah?” Hunter tried to connect the dots. “So what does wax have to do with it?”

  “Well, you can spread wax on body hair and rip it out by the roots so it doesn’t grow back as fast,” explained Vincent.

  “That sounds painful,” frowned Hunter slowing his pace. “But I don’t see why it would be such a bad job.”

  “Because,” continued Vincent, putting his hand on Hunter’s back and encouraging him to speed up again. “The majority of people who get it done are women and it’s not their leg hair they’re trying to get removed.”

  “So what, like, armpits?”

  “No, think lower.”

  Hunter frowned again, “I don’t...” realization dawned on him, “Oh!”

  “There, see I knew you’d get it. If you want to do it you can but...”

  “No, no,” said Hunter shaking his head slowly. “I mean...no...I can’t. If I wanted to look at vaginas all day I’d go to school and become a gynecologist.”

  Vincent laughed and Hunter smiled. It was nice to know he had a decent sense of humor.

  “That’s not a bad idea actually,” said Vincent as they neared the park.

  “I don’t think gynecology is my life calling,” chuckled Hunter.

  “Not that,” said Vincent. “Going to school. You could get a degree in whatever you wanted to do.”

  “How? I can’t afford college right now. I checked into my finances a few weeks ago, and I’m still paying off student loans from law school.” Hunter shook his head, school was definitely not a financially sound idea for him.

  “If you go back to school then your loans are put on hold until you graduate. You don’t have to start paying them off for at least six months after that. So you can find something you want to do, study it, get a job in that, and then pay off all of your loans with the income from that job,” explained Vincent.

  “That doesn’t change the fact that I’ve got bills to pay right now. I’m still going to need a job even if I do go back to school,” insisted Hunter.

  “I could cover that for you,” blurted Vincent. “I mean, as long as you’re working towards a degree and trying to get into a job where you could eventually pay me back.”

  Hunter shook his head emphatically. “I can’t accept that. I need to be able to do this myself. Besides, I’m not even sure I want to go to college.”

  “It’s a great idea,” insisted Vincent. “You can study whatever you want with no pressure about whether or not you’ll have a place to live. Then when you graduate you can get a great job doing something you enjoy and start paying off your loans. You’ll be completely financially independent.”

  “I...” Hunter’s voice trailed off. It was true his job search was going poorly. They’d been out all morning and had only found one job as a clerk at a small grocery chain that looked at all promising for someone in Hunter’s position. “What would I even study? You keep saying I can study whatever I want, but what would that even be? For all intents and purposes, I’ve only got four months of memories, and I was in therapy for most of those.”

  “Well, why don’t you start looking around at things,” suggested Vincent as they stopped near the fountain in the park. “You can look up the local colleges online and see if there’s anything that sounds interesting. You could sit in on some classes and see if there’s anything you like.”

  Hunter said nothing as he watched the water splash down into the basin of the fountain and listened to the melody of a musician playing his guitar nearby. He’d been to college once before and legally had a degree to his name already. He’d passed the bar exam and become a lawyer too. But none of those achievements meant anything because he couldn’t remember any of it.

  Going back to school was an opportunity to start over completely. He wouldn’t be relegated to some low-paying job that required zero education. But he couldn’t rely on Vincent’s kindness that heavily, could he?

  “Think of it like this,” began Vincent slowly. “Most people go to college with the support of their families. You already did that once, and unfortunately your family isn’t in a position to do it again. Not that you’d ask for their help anyway. But after your reset button was pushed, you basically lost all of that benefit. You were the one that said you’re not the same Hunter you used to be. You’re a different person now. So, I want to make sure that this Hunter gets the same chance to go to college that the first Hunter had.”

  Hunter nodded his head slowly. “Just give me a little time to think it over, okay?”

  “Take all the time you need,” said Vincent with a smile. “You’re in charge here.”

  Hunter smiled. No one had ever told him he was in charge of anything before. Not that he could remember anyway. He liked the idea of being in charge of something. Ever since waking up from his coma, he’d been fighting to be in charge of his own life. After finally gaining control of everything, he’d constantly felt like he was at the whim of some cosmic force and could only react to what life threw at him. Actually being able to direct the course of his own life was something
he longed for.

  “Why don’t we get some ice cream?” blurted Hunter, spying an ice cream cart across the park from them.

  Vincent laughed. “Sure, let’s do it.”

  HUNTER SAT ALONE IN his apartment later that evening. A half-eaten bowl of leftover spaghetti sat on the coffee table in front of him while he sat on the couch with his laptop.

  The local college website was full of ideas that sent his mind spinning. There were so many possibilities. They had a pre-med program that was supposedly top notch, not to mention things like computer programming, music, and art. Each program presented new avenues he could potentially wander down.

  He laughed aloud as he came across the page for the culinary program. That was one thing he certainly couldn’t imagine himself doing. He’d probably get kicked out on the first day for setting fire to the kitchen.

  Even with Luke teaching him every step of the way, he’d managed to forget the timer for the cake, and they’d ended up with a burnt piece of charcoal instead of a delectable devil’s food cake. He’d been so embarrassed he’d turned bright red from head to toe. Luke had just laughed and told him not to worry about it.

  Hunter smiled to himself. He was lucky.

  He’d been struggling to find his way back into society. He didn’t know how to reach out to people or how to start casual conversations. He struggled with voicing his needs and opinions. When old friends and family members tried to force their help on him, it was difficult for him to overcome them.

  But now he had Luke and Vincent. It had only been a few days since he’d met them again, but they’d already begun to help him re-adapt to society. He was feeling more comfortable with himself now because of them.

  Luke was helping him re-learn how to do basic things like cooking but also seemed to be wise enough to stop and listen and help him figure out his emotions. He was like a laid back older brother Hunter was starting to look up to. Except he was far too attractive to be family. Hunter hadn’t meant to see him in his underwear, but what he had seen was damn fine.

  But then there was Vincent. He was pushy, and a little overbearing, but he encouraged Hunter to try new things and to get back out into the world. He was open with his feelings and straightforward about his opinions. He laughed easily and had a confidence that made Hunter feel better about himself when they were together. It didn’t hurt he had those piercing blue eyes that stared right into your soul either.

  It was because of Vincent that Hunter was even considering college. Well, that and there was no way he would be able to pay for all of his bills on a minimum wage job.

  Hunter smiled softly to himself as he glanced at the school’s pre-law program. He wondered if he’d still like being a lawyer now. The old him had certainly thought it was worth eight years of schooling and countless hours of unpaid internships. He’d obviously been driven and good enough to land himself a swanky office in a prestigious firm.

  Stubbornness and a desire to define himself as an individual caused him to click away. He wasn’t the same person anymore. Almost no one believed him when he said that, and they’d doubt him even more if he just followed in the footsteps of the Hunter that came before.

  He sighed. It wasn’t like he had to decide on anything tonight, but he was already beginning to feel frustrated that none of the options he’d uncovered were clicking with him.

  A knock at his front door drew his attention away from the computer screen. He wasn’t expecting anyone. Vincent had some case he was prepping for that was going to keep him busy for the next few days. Luke wasn’t supposed to come over for another lesson until tomorrow night.

  Hunter rose from the couch and stretched, silently hoping whoever it was would go away. While he was definitely starting to open up to society in general, he still had a long way to go before he was ready to entertain random house guests.

  The knock repeated itself, and Hunter groaned.

  He crossed the living room and peered through the peephole on the door. Standing in the hallway, with a bag in one hand, was Luke.

  “I didn’t think you were coming over until tomorrow night,” said Hunter with a frown as he opened the door.

  “Well, I wasn’t, but I thought you might want to try that cake again,” said Luke, holding up a grocery bag of supplies. “If you’d rather I come back later, that’s fine.”

  “No, no it’s okay. I was just surprised, I wasn’t expecting anyone,” explained Hunter. “Sorry, I guess I was a little rude before. Come in.”

  “Don’t worry about it, really,” insisted Luke as he entered the apartment. “I saw you leave pretty early this morning, and you still weren’t back when I went shopping so you must have had a long day.”

  “I was job hunting with a friend,” explained Hunter. “I didn’t see anything very promising though.”

  “Then it sounds like you need something to cheer you up,” said Luke with a smile as he began unloading cake making supplies onto the counter.

  “What is all that? We just opened a box and added some eggs last night. That’s a lot of stuff.” Hunter approached with curiosity and picked up the sack of flour sitting on the counter.

  “We’re doing things the old fashioned way this time,” said Luke with a smile. “This way if one of them gets messed up, we’ve got plenty of ingredients on hand to try again. So there’s nothing to worry about.”

  Hunter smiled. “Okay, show me what to do.”

  Chapter Six

  “So, you’re thinking about going back to college?” asked Luke, motioning to the open laptop on the coffee table as he and Hunter sat on the sofa. Their third attempt at a cake—also the first one to make it into the oven—was currently baking with a carefully set timer slowly ticking away the minutes. Luke was hopeful this one would be a success.

  “Maybe,” said Hunter with a shrug as he reached for the laptop and began closing out his internet browser. “I don’t really have a lot of options for jobs. Not a lot of people want to hire someone who can’t remember who the first president was, let alone who the current one is.” He paused, “I meant that as an example. I know who the president is.”

  “I understand,” said Luke. “I imagine it’s pretty stressful. Still, college is a pretty big deal financially.”

  “I know. That’s the biggest hang up I’ve got about it right now,” said Hunter, shaking his head. “My friend suggested it and said he’d be willing to pick up the cost of my bills and stuff while I’m in school. I just don’t think I’m willing to put that kind of strain on this friendship. I mean, he says we were close before, but I’m still getting to know him and he’s really still getting to know the new me.”

  Luke was fairly certain he had known all of Hunter’s friends from before the accident. He wanted to ask who it was Hunter had been hanging out with. Who was this friend that was being so generous? But he didn’t want to push the boundaries of their fledgling friendship, and he didn’t want to give away how familiar he was with Hunter’s past.

  If their relationship was going to have any chance at all then it had to be based on more than just the fact that they’d had a relationship once upon a time. Hunter had to fall in love with him all on his own.

  Still, Luke couldn’t help the flare of jealousy that burned inside him. If anyone was going to care for Hunter, it was going to be him.

  “If you want to go to college, then there are definitely options out there to look at that don’t rely on you taking money from your friend,” began Luke, doing his best to hide his jealousy. “However, I think you should take your time. You only spent one day looking for a job and it’s a big city. There are still plenty of options out there you haven’t even looked at yet.”

  “I know. I told him I’d think about it.” Hunter set the laptop aside and looked away. “Still, I thought the culinary program looked really interesting.” The words were barely out of Hunter’s mouth before he started laughing. “Oh my god, could you even imagine me in a kitchen?”

  Luke chuckled to
himself. It was reassuring to see Hunter like this, embracing his quirks and making self-deprecating jokes at the expense of others. He was different, but in many ways he was still the same.

  “Nice to know my lessons are giving you confidence.” Luke grinned. “The poor defenseless spaghetti you murdered last night will be glad to know its sacrifice wasn’t in vain.”

  “I know you’re doing your best,” said Hunter with a light chuckle as he wiped tears from his eyes. “It’s not your fault I’m a terrible student. I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to stop teaching me.”

  “I honestly don’t mind,” Luke reassured him. “It’s nice to have someone to cook for.”

  The timer in the kitchen chimed cheerily, alerting them that the cake was ready to be removed from the oven.

  They both approached the oven with anticipation. Hunter opened the oven door and Luke reached in with an oven mitt and retrieved the cake pan.

  “How does it look?” asked Hunter, as Luke set the pan on the stove to cool.

  “Pretty good,” he said, proudly clapping Hunter on the shoulder. “We’ll have to wait until it cools to taste it, but I think you may have a culinary career ahead of you after all.”

  Hunter laughed. “No, thank you. I’m glad you’re teaching me how to cook, but I don’t think I could ever do it for a job. Too much pressure.”

  “You know,” Luke began, a wild idea entered his brain and he could barely contain it, “there are a lot of jobs you can do that don’t require any special education.”

  “You sound like you’re thinking of something in particular,” said Hunter, eyeing him as he leaned against the counter.