His Big Secret Read online

  “Understandable. I’m still confident one day they’ll all disappear. Keep meeting their anger with love and compassion. That’s the best we can do.”

  Eight years ago at age twenty-five, I traveled to Japan on a graduate school scholarship. It was both a scholarly pursuit and an escape. My studies of Japanese language and culture skidded off the track when I walked into a secluded temple and felt a spirit touch something deep inside me. I came home with a new view of humanity, and two years later I found the guiding purpose for my life.

  The anguished cries of a young, widowed omega named Benjamin still echoed in my head every day. He was a friend of my sister, Elle, and she convinced me to accompany her to the funeral for Benjamin’s alpha, Andrew, a victim of a massive traffic accident that claimed three lives.

  Benjamin delivered a eulogy for his lost partner speaking to the assembled family and friends in a hushed tone until he suddenly yelped, “Why?” He took a deep breath, and his eyes darted from one side of the assembled crowd to the other. “Why couldn’t I get pregnant? We tried over and over and over again. If I’d gotten pregnant, I’d have a child and Andrew could live on—forever.” Benjamin collapsed into tears, and his shocked family members had to help him back down to his seat.

  After the funeral, I spent a year crisscrossing the country convincing investors to support my dream of an artificial insemination clinic to serve childless omegas, with or without partners. As long as our intake screening didn’t raise red flags, we didn’t question their reasons for wanting a child.

  Two other clinics in the country performed similar work, but neither of them used a database as sophisticated as ours. I hired three MIT scientists to construct our system. We not only matched omegas to alphas on physical compatibility, but we also used a rigorous process of psychological evaluation to try to make sure they were matched emotionally. Once the insemination took place, we offered an option for the alpha and omega to meet if both parties agreed. I was proud of the fact that we’d helped create more than a thousand families with two parents and a healthy child.

  Pulling my thoughts back to the present, I clapped my hands. “Okay, only five minutes to spare. Let’s get this place open for business! We’ve got clients to serve.”

  I loved watching the hustle of my staff members. They were as dedicated to our work as me. Mary said, “Anthony and Greg will man the sidewalk and help our clients past the mob out there. I’ll tell you; they even test my nerves.”

  “Don’t focus on them. Keep your eyes on our clients. Relax. Step away from the desk a few moments if you need to.”

  Mary sighed and nodded. “As you suggested, we set the phone up, so I only have to push one button to get the local police. Fortunately, none of us think that will be necessary.”

  “Good work. Have you looked through the clients for today? Any standouts?”

  Mary beamed. She had at least one or two in mind. “There’s one young man from Boston. He’s a chef. He’s an award winner. One of the best chefs in New England.”

  “Wow. Impressive. Keep him in mind to cater our next public event.”

  Mary scribbled a quick note on a pad of paper. “That’s not all. He owns three restaurants, and he said he’s got enough money saved to slow down for at least a couple of years while he takes care of his baby.”

  “An omega who takes on the role of head chef and runs three places of his own? I’m impressed. He’ll find the strong alpha he needs in our database.”

  Mary laughed softly.

  “There’s something else?”

  “We talked on the phone, and he said that his secret is hiring alphas to lead the kitchen. He has the big ideas, and they carry it out.”

  “That’s a perfect relationship, but I guess none of them are ideal father material.”

  “He said he’s looked for at least three years now and failed.”

  “We can’t find clients more perfect than that.” I started to walk away from the desk in the direction of my office.

  Mary called after me. “Oh, and there is another story that I thought you might find interesting, Inteus.”

  I reached up and straightened the picture of a happy family with two fathers that hung on the wall behind a comfy couch in our waiting nook. “Oh? Tell me about it.”

  “He’s a writer involved with the fashion industry. I saw his photo, and he’s extremely handsome. He told us that he thinks he needs to have a baby before it’s too late.”

  “How old?”

  “Thirty-three”

  I chuckled. “Poor baby. He’s the same age as me. We’re the right place for him, too.” For some reason that I didn’t understand, goosebumps rose on my forearms as I said we were the right place. The man’s story didn’t sound that different from countless other tales we heard from clients, but it touched something inside. I shook it off. We served men from baristas to billionaires. We’d seen them all.

  I was itching to get to my office. I knew that architectural drawings for a new extension to our facility were waiting, but I didn’t want to be impolite and cut Mary off.

  She added, “Daniel can’t wait to meet him. He said that he hopes his blood sample details come up in the database.”

  Daniel was Mary’s grandson, and he worked in our intake department. He helped keep the clients relaxed through the entire insemination process. We did our best to fight any hints of stress.

  I scratched my head. “We still haven’t found a match for Daniel? He’s such a sweetheart. He has one of the warmest souls of any fellow alpha I’ve met. I guess we’re stuck in the same boat. Hopefully, today somebody offers him a paddle to row that boat.”

  “You both deserve great omegas. I’m not saying that because he’s my grandson and you’re my boss. He needs to keep his eyes open and not throw all the eggs in one basket. He’s trying online dating, but I know he still hopes the perfect omega walks through our front door.”

  “He’s not the only one with that dream.” Stepping back up to Mary’s side, I held my finger to my lips to make sure that she kept our secret. Only three of my staff members knew that I’d submitted my own sample for the database on the off chance I matched an omega client. I intended to keep the information private.

  Mary whispered, “You never know, Inteus. I hope to meet your perfect match before it’s time for me to retire, and that clock is ticking.”

  3

  Timothy

  A deep sigh wracked my body. “Do I have to answer that?”

  Rhonda looked sympathetic, but there was a hard edge to her expression, too. “We require all clients to answer all of our questions. Everything’s confidential. I know it’s a rigorous process. Covering it all in a single day makes it very intense, but we’ve found that avoids the possibility of our clients second-guessing a lot of answers.”

  “Maybe you can skip one of the questions?”

  She continued her comments as if she were reading from a carefully prepared script. “Our screening assures that each potential omega father is well equipped to carry a child to term and then raise him or her to be a healthy, happy adult. Finding out more about your sexual experience and your attitudes about it is important for assessing compatibility.”

  “Okay, I was twenty-one before I lost my virginity. It wasn’t because I was saving myself for anything, and I’m not a prude either. I was picky. There’s always a chance you can get pregnant if a condom breaks, so abstinence was my way of avoiding that. I also had a hard time finding an alpha that I could stomach as a potential father. That’s the honest truth.”

  A few minutes later, after an easy question about my view of the perfect family, Rhonda asked about how I dealt with interpersonal conflict. I abruptly interrupted the session again. “Can we take a break?”

  “Oh, of course. Let’s reconvene in fifteen minutes. Breaks are permitted. I’ll call Daniel, and he can provide any assistance you might need. Would a cup of hot tea help? You’re doing great, Timothy.”

  I held out until Rhond
a left the room, but seconds later tears began to run down the sides of my face. Many acquaintances I met through work on my blog assumed I was unflappable or even hard-hearted because my work was so matter-of-fact in nature. In reality, I was as soft inside as anyone else. Rhonda’s tough questions breached my defenses.

  Daniel found me crying softly and offered a hug. “Don’t feel bad about the tears. A lot of our omegas cry. Those questions are tough. Some of it hits hard.”

  Wiping my nose with tissues, I said, “Yes. I haven’t thought about some of those things for a long time.”

  “Imagine what my job interview was like. They take it seriously. One place I worked, it was like, ‘Ever sent to prison? No? Great, you’ve got the job.’ Not here. No way.”

  Daniel offered a steaming mug of chamomile tea. “The day you look down at that little baby, and he or she smiles back up at you, all of this will seem like a tiny little speed bump on your way to fatherhood. Stick with it. You’re doing great!”

  The tea helped me relax, and I leafed through a Maine tourism magazine while I waited for Rhonda to return. I loved the photos of white-capped waves crashing on the rocks.

  When Rhonda reappeared, she asked, “Are you ready?”

  “Is there a lot left? I think I’m fresh out of deep, dark secrets.”

  “We don’t have too much. Unfortunately, the last questions can be the toughest.” There was a slight gleam in her eyes. I wondered if she was getting something out of the interrogation. “When it’s hard, think about that baby. It will take you through the rest. Think of that bundle of joy nestled in your arms.”

  I drank the last mouthful of tea while Rhonda sat opposite me on an upholstered chair. The rest of the questions were all about my specific qualifications to father a child and any efforts I’d made to get pregnant in the past.

  The final inquiries weren’t as difficult as what I feared. When they were complete, Rhonda smiled. “Off the record now, but I wish I’d had a father like the one I know you’ll be. You’re passing with flying colors.”

  After another short break, I moved on to the round of physical tests. I don’t think I’d ever been through a more thorough examination. I had to jog on a treadmill to test my cardiovascular fitness. A staff member named Phil accompanied me through the testing. Barking like a practiced coach, he pushed me to run harder and harder until I felt like I’d collapse.

  When Phil finally gave me a moment of rest, I bent over with my hands on my knees huffing and puffing. “Is all of this truly necessary? Why can’t you measure my height and weight and find out I keep my body firm and fit in the gym and go from there? Look at me. Flat belly. Visible muscles in my arms.”

  “We’re nearly finished. It’s just a check to make sure your body is strong enough to carry a baby to term.”

  “Well, I survived, and I think I’ve answered that question.”

  Sweat drenched my body, and I struggled to catch my breath. Phil said, “You can relax now. We’re all done with this part. Take a shower. Rhonda will come back and help you go through your matches. I wish you all the best! Everything looks good.”

  While I waited for Rhonda, Daniel reappeared with a fresh mug of chamomile tea. His gaze was sympathetic, and he sat for a moment with me.

  “Do you have any children, Daniel?”

  “Not yet. I’m in the database, but it hasn’t matched me yet.”

  While he spoke, I looked more closely at Daniel. He was an alpha. My keen sense of smell during my heat detected it. I secretly told myself that perhaps I could ask Daniel for a date if the computer didn’t do its job well for me. He was cute enough.

  When Rhonda came back, she strolled to the interview room at my side. “How’s the day so far?”

  “Holy fuck. Now I know what it’s like to be put through the wringer. I hope I’m not too exhausted for the actual procedure.”

  “Do you need another nap? We can give you a couple of hours before we go through the selected set of alphas. You’ve passed our screening. We didn’t see any significant red flags.”

  “Oh, no. A nap isn’t necessary. I’m excited now. Looking at the possible fathers is the best part, right?”

  A cheerful smile filled Rhonda’s face. “We hope so.”

  The clinic’s computer narrowed down its suggestions to ten men. Rhonda explained that I could ask for more choices if I didn’t find anyone acceptable in the computer’s choices, but she said that picking from among the ten recommendations would ensure maximum compatibility. Ninety-nine percent of the clients followed the computer’s advice.

  “Will he ever know?”

  “Only if you want him to know and he agrees to drop his anonymity as well. We’ve put together a lot of couples here. We try not to advertise that. We don’t want omegas coming to OBU thinking we’re a dating agency.”

  “I don’t even know if I want a partner. I’m here for fatherhood, but it’s nice to know a complete family could be an option.”

  “We’ve seen a lot of clients walk away as part of happy families with two fathers.”

  As I looked at each man’s photo, I tried to concentrate on the written information, but the photos were too striking. I imagined myself standing next to each of them while we snapped a selfie with a baby in my arms. On my blog, I’d post the photo with an arrow and the handwritten comment, “That’s me!” Another arrow would carry the label, “Baby!” Then that third arrow—the book didn’t have names. I’d have to wait.

  Rhonda said, “You seem particularly drawn to a specific man. After you look at each new option, you keep flipping back to his page.”

  “I love his eyes. Can you see that? And look at the jawline. He could be an action movie hero.” I glanced at Rhonda. “Maybe he is. It’s not my kind of movie.”

  She didn’t respond to my question. Instead, Rhonda watched me in silence. I felt goosebumps rise on my forearms. What she didn’t know was I recognized the man, too. We’d met somewhere before. I was confident that I knew him, but I couldn’t put a name or situation to the face. It was long ago—like high school or even earlier. Those eyes were unforgettable. They were emerald green, soulful and wouldn’t let go of the camera with their gaze.

  Rhonda reached out and flipped to other pages. “If you like him, there are a couple of others who are similar. How about this one?”

  I sensed that she was trying to lead me away from my first choice, but I didn’t let her stop me. I asked, “Is there something wrong with this one?” I pointed at the words that identified him as a successful businessman with superior intelligence. He’d also studied with a Zen Master in Japan. According to the text, the man was worldly, peaceful and an achiever.

  “Isn’t that the kind of man you’d like to father your child? He sounds perfect on paper, and he looks even better than that.”

  Rhonda frowned.

  “Oops, I didn’t mean anything personal. Did I hit a nerve? Maybe you already have a child or children and a great man who’s not like this. I hope you do.”

  Rhonda looked down. “My man isn’t as outstanding as this one.”

  I raised an eyebrow. “You know this guy? I thought the database was anonymous.”

  Rhonda bit her lip. She looked at me for a moment and then quickly turned away.

  I leaned closer. “What are you not telling me?”

  Rhonda lowered her voice to the level of a whisper “It’s nothing—only we’re not supposed to say anything if we know the person on the page. All of us know at least one or two. We’re proud of our work and let omegas that are family and friends know.”

  “Oh, that makes sense. Wow, he might be your brother.” I shivered. “You could be my sister-in-law.”

  Rhonda folded her arms over her chest. “No, he’s not family, but he’s an excellent man. I shouldn’t try to steer you away. Let’s leave it at that.”

  “Great! Then I choose number R-235.” I tapped my index finger on the photo. “I think a combination of the two of us would look stupendous. Our ba
by could become a fashion model or—even President. Damn! I could have dinner at the White House.”

  As I glanced at the page again, I suddenly remembered where I’d seen the man before, and the thought rattled me. An icy shiver raced up my spine. We were in junior high together. He counted as my first crush. Unfortunately, my family moved away after eighth grade, and we didn’t keep in touch.

  Rhonda watched me in silence. I remembered the name. It was Inteus. I didn’t want her to know that I recognized him. I thought that could be some kind of instant disqualification. I scratched my head while Rhonda scribbled notes on a tablet computer.

  A man named James interrupted the uncomfortable silence between Rhonda and me. He was the doctor assigned to perform my insemination, and he looked almost too young to make it through medical school.

  I tried to hide my skepticism as I reached out to shake hands. “It’s great to meet you. Check out the nerves. My hand’s shaking a bit.”

  A warm smile spread across James’s face. “Of course, you’ll be somewhat nervous. We can give you an injection for that.”

  “Oh, no. I only need something if there’s a lot of pain. They’ve already told me that won’t happen.”

  “It’s a painless procedure. You’ll be surprised when it’s over.”

  James was direct and got to the point, but his personality was cuddlier than Rhonda’s. I asked, “Have you been working here long?”

  “I’m starting my third year with OBU.” After shaking my hand, James asked Rhonda if they could step out of the room for a moment. “This will only take a moment.”

  “I’ll finish up my tea.”

  The end of a long day was in sight as they stepped out of the room. I tried to busy myself thinking about my future with a child. I thought about posting baby pictures on the blog. My fans would ooh and aah at video of the baby taking steps and calling me, “Dada.”